feelings

hey people

well this past week has been such a struggle with an OD last weekend i have kept busy all of this weekend though i am tired i am struggling to find meaning in my life at the moment with DBT over with i am struggling to deal with my emotions especially when it appears that my family have just left me i feel so alone and afraid i have great friends that i am hanging out with but its not the same as having family even if i could just talk to them i think it would make me feel better but it doesn't seem that they want anything to do with me i have sent them texts saying hi for about a month now and no reply to any of them i have decided to stop sending texts it is getting to hard to deal with what feels like constant rejection i just cant handle it i hate feeling hated all of the time maybe I'm being too tough on them expecting too much i don't know i pretend that I'm fine in order to see if they want to talk to me but its just not working and i don't know how much longer i can keep it up i am so exhausted i have had little sleep and am just physically and emotionally drained and just want to go and hid i have done very little SH it depends if you count punching walls if you don't then i have done no SH but its getting harder and harder to cope with out doing something and since DBT has stopped me from SH then there is only one other outlet i guess but i am trying so hard not to do it but i will keep on fighting just hope that i don't lose the strength to fight as i feel i am about too its so hard well tomorrow i am going to go shopping with a friend should be OK i will most likely be crap for company but i will try and be good anyway well g2g update again soon