what a rush

hey people

well this weekend was very eventfull first i saw my family that was nice but tough wish that they wouldnt bag out my brother so much cause no matter what they say i will always have my own ideas on why he doesnt seem to want me around they say he is being selfish and stuff i just think he dosent want to be hurt by me thats all but i got to play soccor with the youngest it was fun she is very good at it takes after her sister in that i suppose i love them all to bits but i still need my brother but just cant have him he has his own life to live and i dont know what i have i wouldnt call it a life at the moment also i went to the hospital for a friend and watched her get a drip in ended up fainting lol feel so bad about it but oh well then the stupid nurse gave me a pill which enduced my stomach pain full on so i had to tell them about the bulimia it sucked as i hadnt done it in as week but the doctor writes this letter saying i did it yesterday what ever so much for trying not to do it and for what just to be told im a liar it sucks as if im handing that letter to my doctor well yeah that was my weekend but with all of that happening i still feel empty and alone and i dont understand why i have such amazing friends but my mood just seems to be getting lower and lower at the moment it great when i am around them but i feel so bad if i am not completly there they say its ok but its not i need to focus especially when i am driveing lately as well but its getting so hard lately i am loseing spaces of time and not remembering what i am doing or what i have done i hate this feeling i need to focus and try harder to get better or i am just going to kep sliding down hill and then keep hurting everyone around me it sucks and i just want to be normal but that is too far out of reach for me to ever have or to ever be stable