hey people
well today is the day before i turn 21 yippee right well yeah i guess i got to see my brother tonight which i don't know is a good thing i guess i have missed him so much but i don't know whats worse seeing him and being ignored or not seeing him???? i don't know i was looking forward to seeing him on Wednesday but then he canceled i almost cried at work when i got that text all of my hopes and everything shattered in like five seconds he wants to go out with his mates which is fine but i only wish that he would see me i mean it is my birthday as well as his and all i wanted was to spend some quality time with him on that day he is the only family that i feel very close too but i guess it is expecting too much of him to do that for me i think i should just hide away so that I'm no longer a burden on anyone else i feel so empty which cant be true right i just did 12 months of therapy to tell me that no matter what i feel i can never be feeling empty so i guess its sad disappointed and probably a little angry as well but at what I'm not sure the fact that my twin brother doesn't want me around or the fact that no matter how much i try i cant seem to let go of him i want to be independent i do and i am but it has come as a hefty cost the loss of my family you see if i were to die no one would know for at least a week give or take a couple of days maybe longer i just call up work and say I'm sick and that would be it you know not that I'm thinking of doing it anytime soon but it would just be that easy you know but yeah i just wished that i could just think and act normal for once in my life but then who would i be wait i don't even know who i am at the moment anyway stupid hey but i am trying so hard to become somebody i like but i don't see that person yet i don't really even know exactly what it will look like all i know at the moment is that I'm not there yet i am so far off it maybe i am setting up an unrealistic goal i don't know i don't know a lot of things lately all i do know for sure is that tomorrow i am going to try and be happy as much as i possibly can i am going bowling with some good friends and going to the gym and hopefully seeing my brother again and hopefully he will take his present tried to give it to him tonight thinking he didn't want to see me tomorrow but he said he didn't want it until tomorrow so that's a good sign right i hope so well i am going to go surf the net now try and cheer myself up
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I'd know long before a week had passed. Just so you know. :P
ReplyDeleteAnd maybe you're angry at both of those things, and it's okay to be! Most people would be, I think, in that circumstance.
You've never been a burden to me. I don't know anybody who thinks of you as a burden.
i was just upset im sure people would and thanks and im not a burden to one person thats good
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