a long day

hey people

well today was a good day went down to surfers and mt tambourine lots of fun with a couple of great friends it was a long day for me though it was good had a lot of trouble with both thoughts and being in a lot of pain it sucks but i have no one but myself to blame i wish there was someone else to blame would make life a lot nicer if we could just blame someone else for all of our problems but then how do we become responsible for ourselves i don't know its too hard life is hard but its life i don't remember ever being told that life was meant to be easy or fair another of my wish full thinking's i think but yeah i have been thinking so much about DBT and the skills that they taught me but its so hard not to do them but think of reasons why i should i feel so alone i live on my own i work pretty much on my own i miss my brother like crazy and i cant really talk to many people about what is going on i have been struggling with the thoughts to hurt myself and its getting to the point where i don't know how much longer i can keep putting it off all i know is that i have to hold off doing anything at least until after Saturday because it wouldn't be fair to ruin my brothers birthday so that is the only thing that i am thinking about at the moment and after that i don't know time can only tell hopefully i can cope don't know see what happens i wonder how much i can take i feel emotionally and physically drained I'm tired and in pain kinda over it but yeah....... OK i think this is enough winging for one night don't you think =) i think i might just go watch bones and house now

signed girl searching